1qtr2008 - Ask the Coach: Working with a Terrible Boss

Question: Barry, I saw you were quoted in a Wall Street Journal article about working with a lousy boss. I liked your advice. But my boss isn’t just ‘unreceptive’, he’s downright unbearable! Any additional suggestions for working with a truly terrible boss?

Answer: Not that it’s a panacea, but I think that developing your abilities to engage in meaningful and relevant conversations with your boss will go long way toward improving relations – a key to making him/her a less-difficult boss for you. So let’s go to the interview’s cutting room floor and take a closer look at how to improve your ability to M-E-E-T with your boss:

Acronym: M-E-E-T

M – Match – Match the ‘style’ of your request to the preferences of the boss (time of day, day of week, by phone, in person, via email, etc.) Don’t just send an email and wait. And don’t just burst into his/her office demanding a one-on-one. You may not think so, but when and how you ask for a meeting can make a world of difference in terms of his/her receptivity (or defensiveness) to your request.

E – Explain – ‘Cranky’ bosses really don’t like surprises, so be clear about what you want to meet about. Asking for approval to attend a professional development opportunity (or to hire a coach!) is a very different type of conversation than wanting to refute a poor performance review or substandard raise. Give to boss time to adequately prepare for the conversation by letting him/her know what it is you want to talk about, before you jump right in and start talking about it.

E – Engage – Okay, now it’s time for the meeting itself. Again, match (tempo, style, language, etc.) and quickly explain what you want to talk about. Remember, though, the point of meeting is not to explain – it’s to engage in a discussion so that a decision can be made, or an agreement reached as to next steps. So:

• DON’T push the boss into a corner.
• DON’T be inflexible in acceptable outcomes.
• DON’T get emotionally hooked.
• DON’T over-reach.

And

• DO be tolerant.
• DO be open to counter-intuitive ideas … negotiate, if need be.
• DO stay focused.
• DO keep breathing.
• DO remain respectful at all times.

T – Thank – Regardless of outcome, express gratitude for being able to even have the meeting. You may not always get what you want, but that’s okay. The Bigger Goal, after all, is to facilitate your ability to have these types of conversations in the future, not just for today. Before you leave, reiterate any Next Steps that you and your boss have agreed to. Then work these items as you would those of a major project or deliverable. Because in very real terms, it is.

And what if your boss doesn’t want to meet or keeps canceling? Above all else, keep your cool. Bosses are busy people. But, when appropriate, find a moment and say: “I know you’re crazy-busy these days, boss, but this is an important conversation for us to have together. So how do you recommend we make it happen?” Again, no guarantees you’ll get the meet, but this approach will surely increase its probability.

Point Last: What to do before you even ask for a ‘meet’:

Good – Do your homework. Be sure that whatever you’re asking for is: (a) reasonable; and (b) non-precedent setting, so it doesn’t set off a chain of downstream implications.

Better – Think things through from the boss’ perspective. Understand the risks and potential unintended consequences of giving you approval. Thoroughly consider what doing so would mean to others. Assess how helping you would also help your boss (and the opposite).

Best – Do really, REALLY, good work on a day in/day out basis. Provide the boss with value-added regularly. Show, through your ongoing actions, that you truly are worthy of the boss’ trust and regard. Build and nurture a solid relationship with your boss before you need or want anything.