3qtr2008 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter

Table of Contents – 3qtr2008 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter

• Book Review: The Power of Ren
• Ask the Coach: Any Good Jokes?
• Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
• GottaGettaBlog! Highlights
• Employee Performance Review Aid
• What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?

3qtr2008 – Book Review – The Power of Ren

Title: The Power of Ren: China’s Coaching Phenomenon
Authors: Eva Wong, Lawrence Leung
ISBN-13: 9780470822159

While modern-day coaching has its roots in the Western world, one might say that much of coaching has to do with getting in touch with one’s Eastern sensibilities. As such, I was very eager to read The Power of Ren to see how authors Wong and Leung applied Western coaching techniques in China. And while this book might not appeal to people who aren’t already coaches, it nevertheless has some keen insights to share about coaching and the impact it can have on people, regardless of culture or geography.

“The bedrock of Chinese thought is shaped mostly Confucianism, but also by Buddhism and Taoism,” say Wong and Leung. “And while these three philosophical traditions are in many ways vastly different, they all share a preoccupation with harmonizing the inner and outer self.” So, too with coaching. “Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism can all be used in developing one’s potential. Their focus is the betterment of things through the betterment of the person.”

The authors share numerous examples of how clients from a shoe company, a chain of beauty salons, a jewelry dealer, manufacturers of fertilizers and high tech circuitry, department stores, restaurants, and more, all successfully capitalized on the burgeoning Chinese economy by using their Nine-Dot Leadership model – nine core beliefs and attitudes that are essential to effective leadership – to help build their businesses:

Dot One - Passion – “A passionless person is like a pebble that, when dropped into water, creates no ripples. Those who lack passion always retreat in the fact of challenge.” The components of Passion are:

(a) True Values – “Only those who are absolutely sincere can fully develop their nature.”

(b) Freedom of Choice – “We have complete freedom to determine your self-worth and our attitudes.”

(c) Self-Expression – This is “revealing the self without a mask, and being as sincere as possible.”

Dot Two – Commitment – “In shunning commitment, we reveal only a lack of self-confidence. Commitment uncompleted through action destroys our credibility, but shying away from commitment robs us of the opportunity to build credibility.” Elements of Commitment are:

(a) Self-Discipline – “Whatever we commit to do … we have to impose discipline on ourselves to ensure it happens.”

(b) Integrity – “Our past actions form the basis of other people’s expectations of us. It is on the basis of these past actions that people decide whether they can take us at our word.”

(c) Focused Attention – “Generally, it is not outside factors that prevent us from reaching our goals, but something inner.”

Dot Three – Responsibility – “We tend to be much better at identifying what *others* should be responsible for than we ourselves.”

(a) Non-Separation – “The reason we are unwilling to take responsibility is because of our sense of separation from others and from things.”

(b) Willingness – “When responsibility comes from the heart, it comes with a spirit of willingness, and this is a way of saying that responsibility is an attitude.”

(c) Initiative – “When we willingly take initiative, our hearts are light and we don’t complain.”

Dot Four – Appreciation – “We have to learn appreciation that transcends good or bad, and beautiful or ugly … appreciation is an affirmation of others.”

(a) Love – “Appreciation out of love entails paying attention to the other person and loving his or her strengths. It is not about projecting your values on to others.”

(b) Cherishing Ourselves and Others – “Appreciation means choosing to see people’s strengths and the good sides of situations. It means cherishing what we all have, and suspending judgment.”

(c) Acceptance – “Appreciation cannot be expressed through refusal; it is expressed through acceptance.”

Dot Five – Giving – “For most of us, giving is conditional – we expect something in return. But this kind of giving is actually a form of taking. True giving is just what it suggests – we give unconditionally, expecting nothing back.”

(a) Selfishness – “A feeling that most of us can related to is the feeling we get when we donate to a worthwhile charity. We expect nothing in return, but in fact we do get something. Giving is always selfish, in this sense.”

(b) Joy – “You may be unhappy because you’re not making other people in your life happy.”

(c) Selflessness – “In selflessness, the other person is most important.”

Dot Six – Trust – “When we think about trust, we think about other people. But is that really the way it should be? When we are the initiators of trust, the behavior of those who receive it doesn’t affect us.”

(a) Creation – “When trust is offered unconditionally, it is a form of creation.”

(b) Fearlessness – “Fearlessness is an external manifestation of a deep ability to extend trust.”

(c) Relinquishing Control – “Only *we* determine whether or not we will trust, and on what basis we chose to do so. Distrust, on the other hand, is a form of control. When we mistrust others, we have a powerful need to control everything.”

Dot Seven – Win-Win – “Imagine a wrestling match. To be sure, one of the wrestlers will lose, but the winner will suffer a great deal of pain too. But let us imagine not a wrestling match, but a tango, where competition is replaced by a smooth back-and-forth collaboration.”

(a) Perspective – “Every piece, no matter how small, is an essential part of the whole.”

(b) Respect – “When we respect others, we don’t force them to do what they don’t want to do; and when we respect ourselves, we don’t allow others to force us to do what we don’t want to do.”

(c) Compassion – “As Confucius put it, ‘Noble men may differ in views but they are in harmony, while the ignoble share similar views and are disharmony.’”

Dot Eight – Enrollment – “A spirit of enrollment is defined as stimulating people’s dreams and rousing them to take action accordingly. Leadership enrolls action, not though commands or compulsory means, but by inspiration to join in a meaningful game.”

(a) Dreams – “If we want people to change their behavior, we have to touch their hearts.”

(b) Manifestation – “We become willing to adapt our behavior when we can see the advantages of doing so from observing other people’s experiences. We hope to share that experience, and we become enthusiastic about enrolling.”

(c) Inspiration – “If enrollment is a force that shines through belief and conviction, inspiration is the active follow-up that clear others’ minds of the confusion that is standing in the way of their becoming part of the mission.”

Dot Nine – Possibilities – “Possibilities are like water, which can take on infinite forms – in a cup, it takes on the form of a cup; in a river, it takes on the form of a river and flows to the seas, where it takes on the form of the sea. In fact, life is like water – it is fluid and ever changing. It is limited only by our beliefs, by the possibilities we can see in any given situation.”

(a) Nothingness – “To embrace possibilities, we need to abandon models, strip away boundaries, and look to nothingness. We need to think of nothingness not so much as avoid but as a space that allows us infinite room for movement.”

(b) Humility – “I know. I don’t know. I know what I don’t know. I don’t know what I don’t know. The first is an expression of a limiting world view; the last three statements are expressions of humility.”

(c) Inquiry – “A path of continual learning, as Confucius understood, is the only path to wisdom.”

3qtr2008 – Ask the Coach: Any Good Jokes?

Question: Barry, I could use good laugh – got any good jokes to share?!

Answer: Well this one’s probably been around the Internet three or four times already, but when it recently showed up in my inbox I laughed right out loud:

“You know about the guy who was getting a brain transplant? He was told he could get a woman’s brain for $4,000 or a man’s brain for $10,000.

“The brain transplant recipient asked the transplant doctors why the woman’s brain would cost so much less than the man’s brain.

“The transplant doctor explained it was because the woman’s brain was used…”

3qtr2008 – Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)

• "Do no evilness because it is a small one; do not leave a small deed undone because it is just a petty one." - Liu Bei
• “First organize the inner, then organize the outer ... First organize the great, then organize the small. First organize yourself, then organize others." - Zhuge Liang
• Life is finite, While knowledge is infinite. - Zhuang Zi
• “Our attitude towards ourselves should be ‘to be satiable in learning’ and towards others ‘to be tireless in teaching.” - Mao Zedong
• “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” - Laozi
• “When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.” - Confucius

3qtr2008 – GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003.

Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links to read what written:

from April 2008

• Who's in Your Doghouse?
• Hello, Barry? This is the BBC News calling...
• From (totally) Perfect to (merely) Excellent

from May 2008

• The BEST Interview Prep Question EVER
• Life on Track: In a Minute You Could ...
• Professional Development: What Works

from June 2008

• Stupid Questions and What Happens Next
• The Five (or Six) Truths About Fear
• Tim Russert, 1950-2008

As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and its 2003-2007 archives are both welcomed and encouraged. If you don’t already receive monthly digests of GottaGettaBlog!, you can update your subscription here. Thanks.

3qtr2008 – Employee Performance Review Aid

Not quite done with your mid-year performance reviews yet? Come on, now. It’s time, whether you’re ready or not. But to help provide a little added incentive, take a look at, Employee Performance Discussions: 10 Important Things a Boss MUST Know How to Say – a downloadable e-book that’s all about how to have an effective performance discussion without being a jerk … or a wimp.

In Employee Discussions, you get:

• Specifically-phrased performance improvement messages that you can use not just at review time, but any time of the year
• Case studies that identify typical performance problems and show how to give powerful, constructive, and totally respectful, performance feedback about them
• Plus more

To get your copy of Employee Performance Discussions, visit www.employee-discussions.com today.

3qtr2008 – Last Quarter's News from GottaGettaCoach!

• Barry Zweibel is nominated by several of his peers for a seat on the Global Board of Directors of the International Coach Federation.
• Professional Development: What Works, by Sally J. Zepeda, Ph.D., and professor at the University of Georgia, was recently published by Eye On Education and the National Staff Development Council. In it, some prior work by Barry Zweibel was cited (pages 191-193) and discussed.
• The April 18, 2008 edition of the Torch newspaper referenced some volunteer work Barry Zweibel is doing for the Scarves with a Purpose organization - Barry is managing their website, www.scarveswithapurpose.com, which is now ranked #1 in Google for the search terms "donate scarves" and "scarves for the homeless." If you like to knit, be sure to check them out!
• GGCI relocates its global headquarters to Suite 204 at the same address.
• TheLadders.com reprints an article written by Barry Zweibel titled, "Help Them Say Yes: Provide a 90-Day Plan" which was first published by them in March 2006.

2qtr2008 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

Table of Contents - 2qtr2008 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

• Book Review: Improv Wisdom
• Ask the Coach: 90-Day Plan
• Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
• GottaGettaBlog! Highlights
• Decision Matrix E-book
• What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?

2qtr2008 - Book Review – Improv Wisdom

Title: Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show Up
Authors: Patricia Ryan Madson
ISBN-13: 9781400081882

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but I did with Improv Wisdom – and I’m glad I did. Turns out, it was really clever, practical, insightful, and fun.

Patricia Ryan Madson, its author and an award-winning Senior Lecturer Emerita at Stanford University, has been teaching acting and improv for 40+ years. And it’s clearly been a labor of love – and mastery – for her.

In Improv Wisdom, not only does Madson share her considerable expertise on the topic, but she endearingly shares a very engaging way of thinking with us, as well. “Life is an improvisation,” she says, “and if we are lucky a long one!”

I don’t even know this woman, but I like her! I really do!

According to Madson, improv has 13 ‘maxims’ – and they apply not only to improv, but to life itself. They are as follows:

1. Say Yes!
2. Don’t Prepare
3. Just Show Up
4. Start Anywhere
5. Be Average
6. Pay Attention
7. Face the Facts
8. Stay on Course
9. Wake Up to the Gifts
10. Make Mistakes, Please
11. Act Now
12. Take Care of Each Other
13. Enjoy the Ride

Life is an improv, indeed!

Some of my favorite snippets:

• “Saying yes is an act of courage and optimism: it allows you to share control. It is a way to make your partner happy. Yes expands your world.”
• “The spirit of improvising is embodied in the notion of ‘yes and.’ Agreement begins the process; what comes next is to add something or develop the offer in a positive direction. Avoiding this step is a form of blocking.”
• “The habit of excessive planning impedes our ability to see what is actually in front of us. The mind that is occupied is missing the present.”
• “Fear is not the problem; allowing your attention to be consumed by it is.”
• “Make a list of five places that are your ‘hot spots,’ places where the important things in life happen for you. Why not put the book down, pick one of the places on your list, and show up there?”
• “There’s no need to find the right starting place. With a big task or a confusing problem, when you don’t know where to start, begin with the most obvious thing, whatever is in front of you.”
• “The improviser focuses on making that idea into a good one, rather than searching for a ‘good idea’.”
• “When asked to uncover what is obvious to you, count on the fact that your view is already unique.”
• “Life is attention, and what we are attending to determines to a great extent how we experience the world.”

This is good stuff, whether she’s talking about improv or not, don’t you think? And there’s much, much, more:

• “Wishing things were different (or that I was different) simply wastes time. The improviser can’t afford unrealistic thinking. Instead, she builds bridges over rocky terrain and turns lemons into lemonade. She works with what is actually in front of her, setting aside the temptation to dwell on what it is not.”
• “Life is all about balancing not about being balanced … embrace the wobble.”
• “Some gifts are not objects, but support and encouragement we give each other… make a point of thanking people for thankless jobs.”
• “If you can’t get out of it, get into it.”
• “When I see something that needs to be done, I usually do it without debate. The improviser in me is trained to take action rather than muse over whose job it may be.”
  “Learning how to work together moment by moment without a known formula is the essence of improvisation.”
• “The improv ‘talent,’ which involves listening carefully, observing the actions of others, contributing, supporting, leading, following, filling in the gaps, and looking for the appropriate ending, can be taught and learned.”

From my own experience, I am continually amazed by what good things tend to happen whenever I just let go and … go! That’s not to say that planning doesn’t have its part to play. But Woody Allen was really on to something when he said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

And so is Patricia Ryan Madson with what she’s written in Improv Wisdom.

2qtr2008 - Ask the Coach: 90-Day Plan

Question: Barry, I have an account with The Ladders and read your piece on 90-day plans, which I liked very much. Two questions …

Answer: Glad you liked the article. (For those who didn’t see it, it was a reprint of Help Them Say Yes: Provide a 90-Day Plan, which was first published by http://www.theladders.com/ in March 2006.) Now let’s see if I can answer your questions:

1. When would an applicant offer such a 90-day plan? Before the interview, after the first interview, after successive or final interviews?

I would think that to maximize its impact, you’d want to get the plan into the hands of the hiring manager either after you’ve talked directly with him/her the second time – you could even ask during that second conversation if it’d be all right if you put the plan together “just to clarify in my own mind how I’d best dig in” – or you could bring it with you to that second interview (but only if you have sufficient insight about the position to actually create an insightful plan).

In other words, I don’t think a 90-day plan will automatically put you in the “final few” of candidates still being considered, but once you’re on that short-list, it will definitely help distinguish you from the others.

2. It’s very painful to consider the possibility that your proposed plan becomes another candidate-turned-employee’s blueprint for a work plan you proposed. Is there a solution to this quandary (e.g., copyright marking, etc.)? Or better to just live with that risk?

Is it really ‘very painful’ or is just a pain?! Sure, they could steal your ideas and run with them, but frankly, if you don’t offer up any ideas worth stealing during the interview process, why would they want to hire you to begin with, eh?! Less flippantly, yes, it is a risk you take, but it’s a risk that helps:

(a) Better position you vis-à-vis your competition;

(b) Get you deeper into the mindset – good or bad – of what it’d be really like to work there; and

(c) You learn to better articulate how you think, which is really what companies are trying to figure out through the interview process.

Too, I doubt very much you’ll have actually garnered enough insight from your interviews to provide sea-changing details. Remember the goal of the 90 day plan is not to solve the problems – it’s to show them you understand what the problems are and give them a taste for how you’d start to solve them.

And should they ‘steal’ your idea and not hire you? I suspect that you’d probably not want to work at a place like that, even if they did offer you the job.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

2qtr2008 - Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)

• "Life is all about balancing not about being balanced…Embrace the wobble.” - Patricia Ryan Madson
• "More of me comes out when I improvise." - Edward Hopper
• “Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” - Winston Churchill
• “From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other.” - Arthur Conan Doyle
• “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - J.K. Rowling
• “It’s taken me all my life to learn what not to play.” - Dizzy Gillespie

2qtr2008 - GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003.

Highlighted blog postings from last quarter are, as per usual, listed below – just follow the links:

from January 2008

• What conversations do you know you need to have?
• The Planet Mercury and Other Flybys
• FAQ Sheets - Frequently Asked Questions
• Write It Down; Bring It With You

from February 2008

• Control, Challenge, Commitment
• Remembering to Remember (BEFORE you Forget)
• 30 Reasons to Work with a Coach
• Fear 101: A Model

from March 2008

• Office conditions leave room for improvement
• Creatively Sparking Creativity
• Fear 303: A Revised Model of Fear
• New Thinking; New Doing

As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and its 2003-2007 archives are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here. Thanks.

2qtr2008 - Decision Matrix Tutorial

Welcome to all my new subscribers courtesy of TheLadders.com.

As you work through your job search opportunities, you may find that you need to be able to more objectively assess the pros and cons of what your prospective employers are offering. A great way to do that is by using a Decision Matrix.

But matrices can be cumbersome and unproductive if you’re not exactly sure how to make them work for you. That’s why I created a helpful little e-book called Should I, or Shouldn't I? - a downloadable tutorial about mastering the Decision Matrix.

From it, you can learn (or refresh your learning) how to easily – and objectively – asses what’s important to you, how important is it, and the choices available to you, without having to rely so heavily on your gut feel.

The Decision Matrix is also an excellent tool to help identify what additional information you might need in order to make a true apples-to-apples-type comparison between options.

Increase your confidence in the decisions you make and your ability to explain them to others.

Order your copy of Should I, or Shouldn’t I? for immediate download at: http://www.ggci.com/Store/career-resources/decisionmatrix/.

2qtr2008 – Last Quarter's News from GottaGettaCoach!

• Building Employee Trust: A New Equation (ISBN: 81-314-0875-2), a book based on "relevant, authoritative, and thought-provoking articles written by experts," is published featuring an article by Barry Zweibel titled, "The Dangerous Allure of Trust."
• GottaGettaCoach!, Inc. is commended by the Better Business Bureau of Chicago and Northern Illinois, Inc. with its Complaint Free Award for 2007.
• With the start of the New Year, GottaGettaBlog! moved to a new location: www.ggci-blog.com. The 400+ posts already made are now permanently archived at www.ggci.com/blog under the heading of GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 and will remain accessible there, or through the GGCI search engine (www.ggci.com/search) along with newer blog posts, and newsletters, past and present.
• Happy New Year!

1qtr2008 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

Table of Contents - 1qtr2008 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

• Book Review: You, Inc.
• Ask the Coach: Working with a Terrible Boss
• Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
• What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?
• GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

1qtr2008 - Book Review – You, Inc.

Title: You, Inc. – The Art of Selling Yourself
Authors: Harry Beckwith and Christine Clifford Beckwith
ISBN-13: 9780446578219

I was very eager to read this, the latest book by marketing guru Harry Beckwith. After all, his “Selling the Invisible” was an indispensable resource for me as I starting building my business way back when. So when I found it while browsing in an airport bookstore one evening, I immediately grabbed it and headed toward the checkout counter.

So while I found much of its content to be quite excellent (more on that in a moment) I didn’t really care for how it was written. It felt like two separate books, actually – one written by Harry and one written by Christine – that somehow got randomly shuffled together into one. Don’t get me wrong; they each shared some wonderful stories, vignettes and lessons learned. But it felt quite disjointed to not know whose lessons learned I was reading about at any point in time – especially in the first few sections of the book. I don’t know why it was so distracting to me, but it really was.

Okay, that said, on to some of nuggets about the art of selling yourself that I highlighted while reading:

1. The first thing to sell is ... yourself.
2. The future belongs to the Communicators.
3. Ambiguity is expensive.
4. To improve your writing, read what you write aloud and revise before sending or submitting.
5. “A poor teacher describes; a good teacher explains; an excellent teacher demonstrates; a great teacher inspires.”
6. How to give an excellent thirty-minute speech: Speak for twenty-two minutes.
7. Life is not what you make it. It is how you take it.
8. How many thank-you notes did you send last year? This year, send twice that many.
9. Follow up within a day.
10. The greatest gift you can offer is your time.
11. The greatest compliment you can pay is: “I understand something deep in your heart.”
12. Give your all.
13. Keep learning.
14. Always do right.
15. Be vivid.
16. Don’t just be brief; be briefer.

Good stuff to be sure. But I really wanted to like this book more than I did. Amidst some truly helpful tips and tricks, I found it bloated with more than its share of platitudes and filler. I mean were two chapters really necessary for tips on attire, when one advised us to “buy one great suit,” and another was needed to simply add “and one pair of great shoes”?!

You, Inc. is billed as “The Definitive Guide to Career and Personal Success.” And maybe it is. Thirty reviewers on Amazon.com thought enough about it to give an average rating of 4½ stars (out of 5) – and more than half of them gave it a full 5-out-of-5 star rating!

I don’t know about that, though. I mean I did learn some things – and if you read it you will too. But, on balance, the Harry Beckwith book I’m far more comfortable recommending is his Selling the Invisible.

Surely I could go on about You, Inc., but I want to honor that last nugget I learned from it!

1qtr2008 - Ask the Coach: Working with a Terrible Boss

Question: Barry, I saw you were quoted in a Wall Street Journal article about working with a lousy boss. I liked your advice. But my boss isn’t just ‘unreceptive’, he’s downright unbearable! Any additional suggestions for working with a truly terrible boss?

Answer: Not that it’s a panacea, but I think that developing your abilities to engage in meaningful and relevant conversations with your boss will go long way toward improving relations – a key to making him/her a less-difficult boss for you. So let’s go to the interview’s cutting room floor and take a closer look at how to improve your ability to M-E-E-T with your boss:

Acronym: M-E-E-T

M – Match – Match the ‘style’ of your request to the preferences of the boss (time of day, day of week, by phone, in person, via email, etc.) Don’t just send an email and wait. And don’t just burst into his/her office demanding a one-on-one. You may not think so, but when and how you ask for a meeting can make a world of difference in terms of his/her receptivity (or defensiveness) to your request.

E – Explain – ‘Cranky’ bosses really don’t like surprises, so be clear about what you want to meet about. Asking for approval to attend a professional development opportunity (or to hire a coach!) is a very different type of conversation than wanting to refute a poor performance review or substandard raise. Give to boss time to adequately prepare for the conversation by letting him/her know what it is you want to talk about, before you jump right in and start talking about it.

E – Engage – Okay, now it’s time for the meeting itself. Again, match (tempo, style, language, etc.) and quickly explain what you want to talk about. Remember, though, the point of meeting is not to explain – it’s to engage in a discussion so that a decision can be made, or an agreement reached as to next steps. So:

• DON’T push the boss into a corner.
• DON’T be inflexible in acceptable outcomes.
• DON’T get emotionally hooked.
• DON’T over-reach.

And

• DO be tolerant.
• DO be open to counter-intuitive ideas … negotiate, if need be.
• DO stay focused.
• DO keep breathing.
• DO remain respectful at all times.

T – Thank – Regardless of outcome, express gratitude for being able to even have the meeting. You may not always get what you want, but that’s okay. The Bigger Goal, after all, is to facilitate your ability to have these types of conversations in the future, not just for today. Before you leave, reiterate any Next Steps that you and your boss have agreed to. Then work these items as you would those of a major project or deliverable. Because in very real terms, it is.

And what if your boss doesn’t want to meet or keeps canceling? Above all else, keep your cool. Bosses are busy people. But, when appropriate, find a moment and say: “I know you’re crazy-busy these days, boss, but this is an important conversation for us to have together. So how do you recommend we make it happen?” Again, no guarantees you’ll get the meet, but this approach will surely increase its probability.

Point Last: What to do before you even ask for a ‘meet’:

Good – Do your homework. Be sure that whatever you’re asking for is: (a) reasonable; and (b) non-precedent setting, so it doesn’t set off a chain of downstream implications.

Better – Think things through from the boss’ perspective. Understand the risks and potential unintended consequences of giving you approval. Thoroughly consider what doing so would mean to others. Assess how helping you would also help your boss (and the opposite).

Best – Do really, REALLY, good work on a day in/day out basis. Provide the boss with value-added regularly. Show, through your ongoing actions, that you truly are worthy of the boss’ trust and regard. Build and nurture a solid relationship with your boss before you need or want anything.

1qtr2008 - Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)

• "The person who knows how will always have a job. The person who knows why will always be his boss." - Diane Ravitch
• "Only the mediocre are always at their best." - Jean Giraudoux
• "Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict." - William Ellery Channing
• "Respect a man, he will do the more." - James Howell
• "Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol
• "Don't just think better, think different." - Harry Beckwith

1qtr2008 – Last Quarter’s News about GottaGettaCoach!

• Perri Capel, columnist for The Wall Street Journal quotes Barry Zweibel in a 12/4/2007 piece titled, "When a Boss Is Unreceptive To New Views" published in both the on-line and print editions of the paper. An expanded version of the article was also published by WSJ CarrerJournal under the title of "How Can I Defuse Tensions With a Difficult Manager?".
• Barry Zweibel was invited to be coach and facilitator as part of a two-day November team-building retreat for employees of Hill-Rom Company, Inc., as a follow-up to a series of team-member interviews completed in October.
• Barry Zweibel attended (and volunteered at) the 12th annual International Coach Federation conference in Long Beach, California, as did about 1,500 other coaches from 36 different countries, in total.
• Sally J. Zepeda, Ph.D., professor and graduate coordinator at the University of Georgia, requested permission to include excerpts of written materials by Barry Zweibel in two books that will be published in the very near future - one on Professional Development and one on Coaching - by Eye on Education (Larchmont, NY).

1qtr2008 - GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003.

With the start of the New Year, though, GottaGettaBlog! has moved to a new location: http://www.ggci-blog.com/. Don’t worry, though, the 400+ posts already made are now permanently archived at http://www.ggci.com/blog/ under the heading of GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 and will remain accessible there, or through the GGCI search engine (www.ggci.com/search) along with newer blog posts, and newsletters, past and present.

Meanwhile, highlighted blog postings from last quarter are, as per usual, listed below – just follow the links:

from October 2007

• For Future AND Incumbent Executives - Today
• Higher Understanding through Ping-Pong
• Thank-You Notes
• Taking it Off-Line
• It's Not Still Spelled "Busy-ness" for a Reason

from November 2007

• Coaching Next Level Leaders
• Coaches and Therapists - How Different?
• Chuck Norris is afraid of choking

from December 2007

• Who Said Quitters Never Win?
• A Prescription of Description
• Wynton Marsalis: Leadership Lessons

As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here.

Thanks.

4qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

Table of Contents - 4qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

• Article Review: The Real Reason People Won’t Change
• Authentically Munch
• Ask the Coach: A Whiter Shade of Pale
• Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
• What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?
• GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

4qtr2007 - Article Review - The Real Reason People Won't Change

Article Review: The Real Reason People Won’t Change
Robert Kegan And Lisa Laskow Lahey
Harvard Business Review (reprint R0110E)

So what is the real reason people won’t change? To bottom line it,

"It’s a psychological dynamic called a “competing commitment,” and until managers understand how it works and the ways to overcome it, they can’t do a
thing about change-resistant employees."

When people resist change, it’s not necessarily because they’re opposed to it. It’s not even necessarily because they’re lazy or inattentive to it, either. Rather, it’s because they have one or more hidden beliefs that directly conflict with them working toward meaningful change.

Example:

People often don’t collaborate even though they truly believe in teamwork. Why? Because they’re also dedicated to avoiding the confrontations that are typically intrinsic to any team-based activity. So, push come to shove, they never fully engage in the collaborative process for fear of that probable confrontation and what that means to them.

Oftentimes, though, it’s not readily apparent what the conflict is – or that a conflict even exists. So to unwind things, the authors have developed an interesting three-stage process to help figure out what’s in the way:

1. Through a series of key questions, managers can guide employees to uncover any competing commitments.
2. Employees can then examine these competing commitments to determine the Underlying Assumptions inherent in them.
3. Based on this new awareness, employees can then start changing their behaviors accordingly.

Uncovering Competing Commitments

The key questions recommended for guiding the uncovering process are as follows:

1. What would you like to see changed at work, so that you could be more effective or so that work would be more satisfying?
2. What commitments does your complaint imply?
3. What are you doing, or not doing, that is keeping your commitment from being more fully realized?
4. If you imagine doing the opposite of the undermining behavior, do you detect in yourself any discomfort, worry, or vague fear?
5. By engaging in this undermining behavior, what worrisome outcomes are you committed to preventing?

It’s important to realize that competing commitments do not necessarily reflect weakness or incompetence on anyone’s part. So, managers, don’t go there. Competing commitments are merely just a form of self-protection, and in that context, they make total sense. (e.g. If you want to avoid confrontation, avoid collaboration because collaboration results in confrontation.) Of course the follow-up question to ask is this: What are you protecting yourself from? What are you assuming will happen as a result of a confrontation?

Interestingly, once people start looking at things this way, it’s fairly easy for them to identify (and admit) what they are protecting themselves from. And once they identify that, most are ready to take some immediate action to overcome it.

But the authors suggest that a manager not press for behavioral change just yet. Rather, managers should encourage the employee to first notice his/her current behavior in light of now knowing about his/her competing commitments, Underlying Assumptions, and self-protecting mechanisms. That way, s/he can also look for what I like to call irrefutable evidence that their long-held assumptions might no longer be valid. (Who hasn’t found that a type of food they once thought they didn’t like was actually quite tasty?!) This can open whole new world of possibility for someone as one can use this as an opportunity to reflect on what caused these specific protection mechanisms to be created in the first place.

Understanding the circumstances that created the Underlying Assumptions can be very helpful in freeing oneself from them. And from there, meaningful change is not only doable, but often preferred to the status quo.

4qtr2007 - Authentically Munch

According to NYMag.com, Law & Order character, Detective John Munch, “is the longest-running character on any American drama still on the air. What's more … [since January 1993] the aforementioned Detective Munch has appeared in no less than nine different television shows.”

For you trivia fans, the nine shows are:

1. Law & Order
2. Law & Order Special Victims Unit
3. Sesame Street (my personal favorite!)
4. Arrested Development
5. Law & Order: Trial by Jury
6. The Beat
7. Homicide: Life on the Street
8. The X Files
9. The Lone Gunmen

What’s particularly interesting to me – aside from being a long time Belzer fan – is that it speaks to a frequent life coach topic: Authenticity.

It’s one thing to show up. Indeed, as Woody Allen says, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Authenticity, though, speaks to how we show up. Munch is very consistent in that regard. “I yam what I yam,” both he and Popeye the Sailorman would both say, albeit with slightly different affects.

Munch – and Popeye, for that matter – has a definite personality. But authenticity is more than just personality. Authenticity is about being completely comfortable in one’s own skin without fear of what others might think, and without need to unduly impress anyone with it.

So how does one become completely comfortable in one’s own skin without fear of what others might think? And how does one avoid overdoing the whole authenticity thing?

Step One – Realize that you have a right to be comfortable in your own skin. We really do have that right, you know, – We yam who we yam?! – even if it feels completely unbelievable at times. Authenticity is about “showing up” as who we are, not just as some cardboard cutout of who we think we should be. Surely Detective Munch would agree – and he’s not even a real person!

Step Two – Own your skin. Feel what it’s like. Note what works for you, and what doesn’t. Understand what makes it easier for you to just be yourself, as well as what makes it more difficult. Look for patterns and explanations, and how they all might interrelate.

Step Three: Actively calibrate. Something helpful to remember about becoming more comfortable in your own skin is that you really don’t need to get it exactly right at first, you just need to understand what types of things will move you closer to, or farther away from, it so you can calibrate accordingly.

Here’s a fun game to practice calibrating: Pick a number between one and 100; ask someone to guess it; when they do, tell them only to guess higher, or lower, until they get it exactly right; count how many guesses it takes for them to get it exactly right. This is how we work toward homeostasis – when we guess too high, we back it off a bit, and when we guess to low, we up it from there.

As with home heating and cooling, sometimes we need to heat up how we’re interacting with the world, sometimes we need to cool it down a bit, and sometimes, Goldilocks, it’s just right. And each little calibration helps.

A word of warning: Some people confuse comfort in their own skin with vanity, as if to say, “Look how authentic I’m being!” The ultimate litmus, then, is this: If you’re ego is what’s really loving how well you calibrate, there’s likely still more work to do. But if your heart loves it, then you’re likely on the right track.

Detective Munch already understands that – as do his writers.

4tr2007 - Ask the Coach: A Whiter Shade of Pale

Question: Barry, I'm so frustrated. Try as I might to see things otherwise, I’m such a Black and White thinker. What can I do to open my eyes to other possibilities when problem-solving?

Answer: Here’s something that often helps the B&W types: Shades of grey!

Seriously, anyone who’s able to discern black from white, as you are, certainly understands that what they’re discerning from is actually shades of grey. If you allow yourself to play with that notion a bit you’ll soon likely notice that you already see other possibilities – you’re just discounting them a bit prematurely, that’s all.

A good question to ask is this: “Okay, I see the black and white of it all, but what are some of the grey tones I’m also seeing? “

Too, it’s often helpful to look at the whiter side of the spectrum. Did you know, for instance, that there are about a zillion shades in the white palette?! Here, courtesy of Benjamin Moore, (http://www.benjaminmoore.ca/colours/offwhite.aspx) is quite a few of them.

Of course the deeper issue has nothing to do with colors at all really – although a nice Bordeaux Red / Dill Weed Green combination is quite smart-looking for the coming cooler months! What’s really needed here is a way to expand your thinking in a way that encourages your creativity to kick in.

An approach that’s often helpful in getting things going is the pick-a-metaphor-and-go game. It works like this:

1. Close your eyes, take a few deep, cleansing breaths.
2. Open your eyes and allow them to settle on something/anything.
3. That something is the metaphor you can use to stimulate your creativity.

Example #1: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on your backyard. Stoke your creativity by asking some imaginative questions like theses:

• Thinking about that idea I’ve been struggling with, what part could clearly use a little more watering?!
• All things being equal, what parts need to be mown or trimmed a bit?!
• What would make my idea that much more lush and green?!

Example #2: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on your kitchen freezer. Stoke your creativity by asking some off-the-wall questions like theses:

• My current idea is too vanilla so what would adding a nice chocolate mocha fudge swirl do to it?!
• For that matter, what would turn the whole thing into a delicious banana split sundae?!
• And what little something extra could I add to my idea as a cherry on top?

Example #3: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on a yellow highlighter sitting on your desk. Stoke your creativity by asking some silly-little questions like theses:

• What parts of my idea do I want to particularly highlight for others?
• Given that the color yellow is sometimes associated with cowardice and other times associated with peace and happiness, what part of my idea makes me the most nervous, and what do I need to modify to make me happier with it?
• How might the impact of my idea change if I changed its color or some other physical attribute?

While the pick-a-metaphor-and-go game might not immediately provide you with the answers you’re looking for, it likely will bring a smile to your face, which is very helpful when trying to look at things in terms other than simple blacks and whites.

4qtr2007 - Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)

• “Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.” - Alan Alda
• “The life of my personal has nothing to do with me,” - Claire Danes
• “I Eats All Me Spinach, And Takes To The Finish, I'm Popeye The Sailor Man! Toot! Toot!” – Popeye, the Sailorman
• “He's very comfortable in his own skin, ... That's his personality. When you're true to self like that, it comes across well.” - Jeff Van Gundy
• “Colors, like features, follow the changes of the emotions.” – Pablo Picasso
• “We've been dreaming in color since 1883.” – Benjamin Moore, the Paint-man

4qtr2007 - GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential - along with whatever other stuff I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking - since June of 2003.Highlighted postings from last quarter are listed below - just follow the links:

from July 2007

• Handling Your Mistakes
• Networking Nmemonic
• Goals, Priorities, Procrastination, and Deadlines

from August 2007

• Check Email More Regularly
• Getting a SLANT on Doing Better

from September 2007

• Creative Listening, redux
• What Goes Around, Comes Around
• Friday Afternoon, Idealized

Your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here.

4qtr2007 - What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?

• Barry Zweibel is interviewed for an article on Lessons in Leadership in the September/October issue of INSIGHT, the magazine of the Illinois CPA Society.
• GottaGettaCoach! celebrates its seventh anniversary!

3qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

Table of Contents - 3qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter

• Book Review - Juicing the Orange
• Ask the Coach: More Better Creativity
• Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
• What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?
• GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

3qtr2007 - Book Review - Juicing the Orange

Title: Juicing the Orange: How to Turn Creativity into a Powerful Business Advantage
Authors: Pat Fallon & Fred Senn
ISBN: 1-59139-927-0

Okay, this is another in a series of "Inside Secrets" books written by seasoned advertising pros about their unique strategies and resultant successes. And I'll admit that I really like books like this. (Other good ones include: Lovemarks: The Future Beyond Brands, by Kevin Robers, CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi; and The Trendmaster's Guide, by Robyn Waters, former VP of Trend, Design, and Product Development at Target.) Advertising-folk are just so creative and upbeat when things are going right.

What I particularly like about this book - and the Fallon Worldwide agency - though, is that so many of the client case studies highlighted are for products and companies that I not only recognize, but actually like - something I directly attribute to their, ahem, really good advertising. Examples, include:

• Those animated, music-only, story-telling tv commercials for United Airlines
• Those "No, but i did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night" ads
• Buddy Lee blue jean commercials
• The way that BMW cross marketed with Bond, James Bond
• Those wacky Virgin Mobile holiday ads
• and more

Another favorite was for a barber shop in NYC called "7 South 8th for Hair," a small business with very little money for advertising. It was Fallon's very first account and they really wanted to show how they could be creative AND effective. So, they bought a few poster spaces at bus stops near the barbershop and, on them, featured big pictures of somebody famous with really bad hair ... and a cleverly related tag line:

• Moe Howard (of Three Stooges fame) - "A bad haircut is no laughing matter."
• Albert Einstein - "A bad haircut can make anyone look dumb."
• Susan B. Anthony (from the failed $1 coin) - "A bad haircut can take you out of circulation."

Fallon's Inside Secret? What they call the Seven Principles of Creative Leverage:

1. Always start from scratch.
2. Demand a ruthlessly simple definition of the business problem.
3. Discover a proprietary emotion.
4. Focus on the size of the idea, not the size of the budget.
5. Seek out strategic risks.
6. Collaborate or perish.
7. Listen hard to your customers (then listen some more).

It struck me that these seven principles can apply to far more than just advertising. I know many of them seem to naturally show up in my coaching conversations with clients, for instance. But think about it in terms of furthering important business initiatives, as well:

• "We believe that you have more creativity in your organization than you realize, and we believe that you can find it, develop it, and use it more effectively. " (page 20)

They're probably right, you know.

Here are a few other interesting creative advertising ideas that applies to people at work - and in life:

• "Our goal as an organization is to understand culture so well that we can use its idioms and nuances to transcend blatant selling messages." (page 65)
• "You can change people's minds, but only if they first give you permission, and that won't happen if they think you're a joke." (page 78)
• "The door to most business people's right brain is through their left brain. First the smart, then the exciting. (The consumer, ironically, wants it just the other way around.)" (page 97)
• "Just as a sports team needs a handful of players who have been to the playoffs, a marketing team needs members who understand the hard work and commitment it takes to make the most of an idea." (page 123)

Success in advertising, as in business - and in life - really does required more than just talking the walk.

• "...if we truly valued our culture, then it wasn't enough to hire brains and talent. we had to cherish the people who bets embodied our ideals. We call them culture players." (page 194)

And that's why I like this book - it not only had cool advertising stories and interesting creative strategies, but it offered some important conclusions for what it takes to be a success across a wide variety of venues.

3qtr2007 - Ask the Coach: More Better Creativity

Question: Barry, I'm stuck. I want to be more creative in what I do, but I just can't figure out how to do it. Everything I come up with is, well, b-o-r-i-n-g. What am I doing wrong?

Answer: As counter-intuitive as it may seem, in situations like this, success often comes more from trying less, than from trying harder. And the best way that I've found to do that is to F-R-E-E Your Mind:

• F as in Forget - Sure you've got all sorts of pressures and deadlines you're worried about, but Step One is to let all that go and forget about it for a little while. Think of this step as clearing the canvas. Tabula rasa.
• R as in Remember - Now that you've cleared your mind, entertain a memory of a favorite noun (person, place, or thing) from your past. The farther back in time you go, the better - something from your innocent youth (your Wonder Years) would be ideal.
• E as in Enjoy - Spend a few moments enjoying your recollection, with all your senses. Remember what it looked like, sounded like, who was there. Remember the colors, textures, flavors, what it felt like. Remember it in as much detail as you possibly can and reconnect with some of that same child-like zeal you had way back when. Breathe in a few times. Good deep breaths. And big, full, exhales. Ahhhhhhhhhh!
• E as in Expand - Now from that relaxed and happy place, expand your thinking to the problem or issue you've been trying to get creative about. Ask your inner-child for some advice: What would he do? What does she suggest? Who else from your past would have some good, crazy, funny, absurd, ideas to share?! Your best friend? The kid next door? The neighbor's dog that loved barking at the mailman?! See what 'pops'; you may be pleasantly surprised.

When we connect back to our past, we F-R-E-E our minds from all the noise and static of today that keeps us from being our natural, creative, selves.

Hmmm. Makes me wonder. Whatever happened to my old buddy, Jimmy Sharkey? Jimmy, you out there?!

3qtr2007 - Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)

• "Remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford
• "Life is "trying things to see if they work." - Ray Bradbury
• "Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties." - Erich Fromm
• "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein
• "If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan
• "Our genius ain't appreciated around here... let's scram!" - Moe (to Larry and Curley)

3qtr2007 - GottaGettaBlog! Highlights

I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential - along with whatever other stuff I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking - since June of 2003.Highlighted postings from last quarter are listed below - just follow the links:

from April 2007

• Choosing to Choose
• You May be Happier Than You Think
• How to Succeed Like a Workaholic

from May 2007

• Always Complete Your "T-O-P- 3"
• Procrastination DNA
• Leadership Move #6: Encourage Intelligent Debate

from June 2007

• Hey, Your Shirt Just Texted Me!
• When the Cat's Away
• Keys to Personal and Professional Growth

Your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here.